This blogging malarkey is driving me up the freaking wall!
I have so much to say! So many rich but terribly controversial experiences to share.
I don’t know where to start!
To mention only the positive is to lie. Drastically!
To outline every nasty bit and crevice would be selling a negative image of a place that I don’t truly understand. Never mind inadvertently painting an image of my screwed up state of mind: On account of being here off course.
Striking the balance lies in my story telling technique which is failing me these days as I battle with everything I see, hear, smell, eat, do…etc…
Perhaps I should wait a couple months when things look up, then telling my story won’t appear so incredibly twisted. You’ll be surprised to know what people get up to at -26•.
At the moment, the only question that frequents is why? Why am I here? What was my inspiration? What did I think I would find?
The physical experience stroke sacrifice despite conjuring up reflective thoughts of very dark histories, and even of those more recent, isn’t what keeps me up at night. It’s the thought off not being able to tell it. My own morals impede me.
While friends, internet searches, banned google services and regular intermittent internet disturbances highlight rumours of every word in, out and around this country being monitored, erased, noted and censored. Those caught in the act pay a high price. Apparently!
Gosh! It’s only a LITTLE bit of porn, I know it’s banned, but what to do when your black skin, Rasta locks and weird foreign looks sends every Y chromosome as if dodging Russian Bullets. But this whole paragraph is indeed another story! Back to the point!
How do I tell my story, when it isn’t a terribly positive one? When the cultural differences are probably less critically distinct outside of my immediate experiences. Perhaps it’s my own perspective that carries the heaviest weight!
There is only one thing I am sure of. And that is that I have made a decision decision not a typo to stay. Suffering never caused anyone any pain…or something like that…point being that if I quit now, I just won’t know how it will all unravel. Decision decided. For now.